Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Etape 2010: The Ecstasy and the Agony




It is 6.20 as we gather on the boulevard in Pau, ready to cycle one of the toughest stages of the Tour de France. The start point is atop a cliff with a stunning view of forested hills in all directions, the mist rising and birds flying between the trees. It is a big contrast to two years ago. Then we were fenced into a car park, drenched by torrential rain, and cycled out through the industrial areas of Pau, seeing no reason ever to visit again. I think the Tourist Board must have had some influence this time.

Last time it was a physical challenge like none I had done before. I rang home from the first peak to say “Don’t ever let me do this again”. So what has brought me here to the challenge of cycling 112 miles and climbing mountains? As I wait for the start I do wonder why I’m back.

We’re Off
There are 10,000 cyclists clustered here, ranked by our number. I am 6706. I chat to a Canadian who is worried about his 6,000 number – he has heard there will be traffic jam on the first mountain, the Marie Blanc, and is desperate to get there early. A friend of his is number 23. Mind you, that man had once won the Tour de Switzerland, so fair enough.

At 7am the gates open at the front and at 7.15 we are moving. It is a glorious sweep down off the cliff, past the station and out of town. The roads are closed, just like on the real Tour, and it is great to have no traffic all day. Soon we are gliding through a magical valley, past fields of corn with the sun coming up over the hillside – and hundreds of cyclists in front and hundreds behind.

It is a long day ahead. The 3,500 ft Marie Blanc, the 5,000 ft Soulor and the 7,000 ft Tourmalet - with temperatures predicted to hit 29 C (86 F). And all with the threat of the ‘broom wagon’ that will sweep you off the course if it catches you. The wagon has set times of arrival at each point and so I know exactly how fast I must go to keep ahead. Each year it is a different stage of the Tour that is open to the public. But this one is starting in Pau, as two years ago, and the Tourmalet is included again - though this time from the Southern ('more difficult') side.

This time I have tried to understand the nutrition, and move beyond my strategy of eating lots of bananas. Apparently you need to drink 1.5 litres an hour in the heat to stay hydrated. And 60 g of carbohydrates, ideally at 6% dilution to be ‘isotonic’, so I have lots of electrolyte packs to dilute in water. I have made sure of two 1 litre bottles on my bike to provide enough liquid.

We slow for the first climb, the Cote de Gaye. Just 2 km, this is an appetizer. As we come down through local villages, crowds are gathered to cheer us on. Most of the cyclists go straight past but I discover that if I wave back I get my own personal cheer. It feels good. I skid on some cobbles in a village and almost hit the cyclist next to me. I am hit with a torrent of French – I don’t understand a word but it is clear it is not complimentary.

Normally the aim is to join a group – you can go up to 40% faster by cycling in the slipstream of others. But there are really no groups, just a huge mass of cyclists. I try to keep together with James, my cycling partner, but after two hours we lose each other – and there is no way to re-find somebody amidst this number. I reach for my front water bottle and … it is gone. It must have fallen off on a descent. All my careful plans….

By 9.20 we are at the base of the Marie Blanc, a 9km climb. The advice is to take it easy early on as the last 3km are said to be the toughest of the whole stage.

In search of the perfect gear.
I hold to the philosophy of the perfect gear. I believe that for every gradient there is a gear for you at this moment. Other gears can be a struggle but hit that perfect gear and everything falls into place. How to find it? There is no way I know of, but I know when I am there.

At each km pt there is a sign to tell you the current height and the steepness of the next km. At 3 km to go, it reads 13%, the highest of the day. But suddenly I hit that gear. My legs tell my brain they can go faster. I move to the left into the quicker section and step up a pace. I am at one with the bicycle and the mountain, rising up through the trees, and feel truly in the zone.

(When I say faster, of course, I’m talking relatively - I go up from 7 kph to 9 kph. When the tour comes up this hill on Thursday they will ride up in excess of 25 kph and make it look effortless.)

And then the road is blocked. We have hit the traffic jam and everybody is walking. A loud Dublin accent shouts “riders to the left, walkers to the right”. But they are not walking from choice and there is no getting through. Though my gears allow me to cycle at walking pace and I am determined to stay on the bike.
An ambulance somehow comes through, reminding us of the risks here. There are 12 ambulances spaced across the route. I move in to cycle behind the ambulance, feeling pleased with myself for finding a way through the crush - until it suddenly rolls back, almost crushing my wheel. That would be a way to go, having to drop out because the tour ambulance crushed my bike! But I stay on and can say that I was about the only rider in my section to cycle the whole course.

At 1 km to the top it suddenly clears and we are all cycling, heading for the summit. As we approach, with a huge sense of achievement, a couple of spectators wave a union jack and I am moved almost to tears by the combination of achievement and belonging. I can’t say I’ve ever felt that about our national flag before!

We come down off the top and immediately to an ambulance, with a cyclist recovering from having overshot the bend. A useful warning sign – overshoot later on and you go off a cliff! On the Plateau de Benou I get to the first feed stop. Water, cake, bananas, dried fruit and energy shots. I refuel and am off down a glorious descent, sweeping round bends at 35 mph (being overtaken too) and with a glorious panorama of the peaks of the Pyrenees on all sides.

The Most Beautiful Place
A cyclist from Michigan, who has a French wife, tells me they have live in the US but have a house here for the summer. “For me, it is the most beautiful place in the world”, he explains. I can see what he means. From the luxuriant fields to the ancient villages to the mountain peaks, it is glorious to look at. I must come back with the family. Especially with all the activities available: canoeing, rafting, canyoning, cycling, horse-riding, walking, water parks. (This blog is not sponsored by the local tourist board…)

Down In the valley I find myself suddenly almost alone. Half an hour ago there were so many cyclists that the road was blocked and now there are just half a dozen in sight. Partly this can be explained by mathematics (at 8kph we are packed 5 times tighter than at 40 kph) but it is still weird.

We start to form into a group and then catch sight of a peloton, over 100 cyclists strong, in the distance. No words are exchanged but we all know what we must do. We form a line of 10, one behind the other, barely a couple of centimetres between the wheels. We pile it on and chase them down. After about 5 km we catch them and get our reward. Behind this massive group we barely need to pedal. We are carried through the most glorious undulating French countryside at 25 mph.

And now to a long wooded valley. As we pass a tavern by a bridge, by a bubbling brook, we are serenaded by a man on an accordion. Can it get more perfect? I get to the 2nd feed stop at Ferrieres and calculate that, even if I take 15 minutes, I will be an hour ahead of the dreaded broom wagon. I note a text from a friend who was caught by the broom wagon at the top of Marie Blanc.

Solour: The Long Climb
So onto the second big climb, the Soulor. This is said to be less steep but long and relentless, 21 km of ascent. We emerge from the shade of the trees with about 8 km to go and suddenly the sun is relentless. James tells me later that his Garmin computer measured it at the peak of Soulor at 98.6 F (36 C). This is a struggle. I begin to doubt the philosophy of the perfect gear. This is just hard grind in the beating sun.

I stop for a rest at 5km to go and notice the silence. As 100 cyclists pass, I hear only one conversation. Amidst so many people this is a strangely solitary activity. (My wife thinks this is a boy thing, a bit like fishing - just with more physical activity.)

It is a pity as chat makes it easier. On my last sportive in England, as we approached the biggest climb I was in conversation with my neighbour and she asked where I worked. “Happy”, she exclaimed. “I am in HR and Happy are HR legends. I used you as a case study to win flexible working in my company.” The ensuing conversation carried me effortlessly to the top!

But there is a beauty in the determination. And something about the human form, lycra clad, working at its best. On the Tour itself I love the sight of Contador (last year’s winner) as he stands up on his pedals and seems to dance his way up a mountain. Few people stay on their pedals for long but, as I restart, I am caught by a lithe form ahead. As they stand on the pedals for over a kilometre I am transfixed by the perfection of the movement and forget, for a while, the challenge.

At 2 km to go, the ascent suddenly falls from 8.5% to 6% and I find again the perfect gear. The others don’t seem to have reacted to the change and have their minds set at the previous speed. I move past, feeling on top of the world – both literally and metaphorically. We turn a bend and you can see the road twisting round the edge of the mountain to the pass, one long line of cyclists. We drove here yesterday but couldn’t see any of this. It was cold and covered in mist, with visibility down to 10 metres at times. What a difference a day makes.

This is beautiful. Absolutely unspoilt countryside, peaks on all sides, the sound of cowbells. Hardly a person in sight (apart from several thousand cyclists, that is.) It looks like Sound of Music country. (Yes, I know that’s the wrong country. If anybody knows of a film with stunning Pyrenean scenery, please let me know.)

This was the point last time at which I rang home to say “Don’t ever let me do this again”. This time I want to say “more, more , more”. What could be better than being in the zone, cycling to the top of a mountain and surrounded by some of the best scenery on Earth? Magnificent.

Is this why I came back? Having gone through the pain last time, is this the reward? Is this how life works. If you face the pain and return again for more, you get to the next level and reap the rewards? (Or maybe its just that cycling up a huge mountain when you are cold and wet, like last time, really sucks.)

Camper Vans Everywhere
Over the peak and the scene changes. I have never seen so many camper vans in all my life. (Though I am to see many more on Tourmalet.) Every flat space is crowded with them. Every parking spot has one, many sat on the edge of precipices. Now I understand where all those spectators on the Tour mountain slopes come from. These people have come for the week, to do some walking and some cycling and then to watch the Tour go past.

Another glorious descent, more stunning views, more groups of cyclists forming and re-forming. A group of women in pink, with pink balloons - dancing and cheering us by. A family of four does a Mexican wave for us. Kids hold out their hands to be high-fived. At one point I suddenly wonder where everybody has gone and notice they have all lined up behind me, on my wheel. I quickly catch up with a group ahead, to avoid the exposure of being at the front.

The third feed stop, I am out of electrolyte mix and I make the mistake of taking just water and no mix. And its lukewarm. As I cycle through Lus Saint Savour I fantasise about a cold bottle of water, a cycling shower (they had these at the Beijing Olympics, a shower above the track to cycle under) and an ice cream.
I turn a corner and a man on the pavement hands me a cold bottle of water. His neighbour has his garden hose out and drenches me. And then, as if a mirage, an ice cream stall. I feel fate is on my side.

I am still an hour ahead of the broom wagon and decide to stop and have an ice cream. I know it’s the ’wrong kind’ of carbs or sugar or whatever. It works for students at Happy Computers so why not for me? (Possibly because we don’t then make them undergo extreme physical activity, but there you go.)

It is an 18km relentless ascent, 8% all the way. We turn the corner and we see the entire route up to the pass, towering 5,000 ft above us. And my gears go. I am about to tackle one of the most brutal climbs in cycling and my climbing gears are suddenly slipping and unusable. I curse myself for never having learnt proper bike maintenance.

I struggle on in an impossible gear for 2 km and then find a Trek Travel stall. I throw myself at their mercy and a wonderful man called Jesse takes a look. “Its nothing, the cable has loosened.” He tightens it up and, like magic, all is well.

Tourmalet: water all the way
The Tour holidaymakers are out in force and here to help. Kids and adults eagerly pour water over us as we pass. A man refills my bottle from a mountain stream. One group is sitting on a bridge, with a bucket on a rope – pulling up water, filling bottles and then pouring it over passing cyclists. It is an incredible help. At times you can’t go for 20 metres without somebody offering to pour water over your helmet or down the back of your neck.

Many of us afterwards agree that, exhausted and dehydrated, we could not have made it up that mountain without being regularly drenched in water. It is a wonderful display of community and support. Have these people been doing this for five hours, since the first cyclists came through?

I stop to rest at 12 km and again at 10 km. With 8 km to go there is no shade. I am parched but can hardly hold down water. My body tells me it has been cycling for 10 hours, has climbed two huge mountains, and there is more? It is as though the mountain is teasing me, telling me I have to rest.
I pass people collapsed at the roadside, some with medics in attention. Nothing seems more attractive than the idea of laying down by the roadside and waiting for the broom wagon to pick me up.

But I repeat to myself Lance Armstrong’s mantra: “Pain is temporary. Quitting is
forever.” I meet somebody the next day who puts it another way. “You cannot quit. That would be no respect to the mountain. You must respect the mountain. And then you can conquer it.” I had hoped to beat my time of two years ago. I no longer care but I must finish. At 5 km, a couple lets me lie under their sunshade – the only shade anywhere in view - to keep off the sun for a few mins rest. It reminds me of the Jonah story, will it be snatched away?

On the bike I am in a good gear and am going at 8 kph. It doesn’t sound much (5mph) but it is fast enough. At least I’m overtaking the walkers! But my mind – fuddled and exhausted – finds it hard to concentrate. My legs will turn but it is hard to keep going. Again, looking back, I wonder what stopped me simply going for it. Calculating and re-calculating that I do have long enough. Half the cyclists are walking. James tells me later he saw a young man come back down from the top and say to an older cyclist, with 1 km to go and the broom wagon approaching, “Dad, get on the bike. You can do it.” The reply: “I can’t son, I just can’t”.

The last km. The sign says 10% but the first half is virtually flat. For the last half km there is a hairpin bend and then it looks like a 45% rise - its probably 20%. But I can do it. One last push and I am there. At the top. I shout in triumph, and get off the bike. The ascent of Tourmalet has taken me 2 hours 53 minutes. I haven’t beaten my time but I have got to the top, I have made it through the heat. And, finding a colleague at the finish line - in tears, I join them. And, yes, I am in tears too.

I have lost time on Tourmalet but still finish 25 mins ahead of the wagon. 6,600 finish – that means 3,000 did not make it. Definitely two experiences: The first 164 km were some of the most glorious I have ever done, a hugely uplifting experience. The last 18 km were total agony, staggering up the ascent with frequent rests.

Will I do it again? Maybe. Maybe somewhere dry and cool. Perhaps Iceland.

Postscript
It is two days after the event and I know now why I came back and why I must return again. I feel already the call of the mountain. For I have climbed the mighty Tourmalet (twice) but, in my mind, I have not conquered it. And I will come back to do so. That is true respect to the mountain and to myself.

Timings
Elapsed time: 10 hours 52 minutes
Start place: 6,706
Finish place: 6,114

Nutrition:
Breakfast: Muesli, banana, 2 boiled eggs
In start pen: Banana, electrolyte water (50 g carb)
On ride: 4 x electrolytes (200 g carbs), 3 bananas, dried fig, 3 energy gels

Bike: Giant SCR2, triple front gears

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

The Red Light Question

"Are you one of those cyclists that goes through red lights?" is often the first question somebody asks when they discover you are a cyclist. My response is diversionary. Don't accept the premise of their question, as AnnaBeth advised Leo in West Wing.

My response: "Can I ask you a question first. Do you ever drive over the speed limit?" The answer is, of course, always yes. To which the natural follow up is "So you believe cyclists should obey the law but motorists don't need to?" Or, if I'm feeling a bit more pushy, "So you believe motorists don't need to obey the law, even though it could (and does) kill people but cyclists should always obey the law, even when it is more dangerous to do so?"

Speeding is only one example. The truth is that if there were a society of law abiding motorists they could probably meet in a telephone box. Virtually all motorists break the speed limit some of the time and many also drive while using their mobile phone, having drunk alcohol, turn without indicating, or themselves go through lights that have turned red. All are either against the law or the highway code. And all are dangerous, contributing to the 2,500 people killed on UK roads each year.

Many criticise the self-righteousness of cyclists. But our attitude is nothing compared to that of motorists. Witness the outrage at speed cameras, and the idea that there should be restrictions on the car driver's innate right to drive fast and dangerously.

The fact is that it is often safer for a cyclist to go through a light while it is still red. This is often in the pedestrian green light, though I am always careful to give any actual pedestrians right of way. It is argued that it annoys motorists but I'd rather have the passive annoyance of a motorist seeing me head off ahead of them than the active annoyance of the boy racer, or the truck driver turning left, who finds me in their way when the light turns green. Probably the most dangerous point for a cyclist is when that light turns and car drivers speed off or, worse, take that left turn.

And be honest, if you are stopped at a red light and a cyclist stops in the green box in front of you - are you really willing them to stay put until the light changes. Or, like me when I am a driver, do you wish they would head off early leaving you free to accelerate away?

Of course some cyclists do crazy and dangerous things. I myself have been so angry on a number of occasions with the reckless behaviour of a fellow two-wheeler that I have cycled furiously after them to question them. Calmly and reasonably, of course (!?). There are crazy cyclists just as there are crazy motorists. But there is one crucial difference: Crazy motorists kill people, crazy cyclists in general don't (not even themselves - 86% of cycling deaths are the fault of the driver).

So, yes, I do cycle through red lights. I definitely cycle through them when it is safer, where it gets me through a potential danger spot and where it gives me a minute or so of safer cycling without the cars. And I will continue to do so until our road systems are redesigned towards the needs of pedestrians and cyclists rather than the car driver. We could certainly start with London, where less than 15% of people get to work by car - but so much of the transport system is orientated to the motorists' needs.

But cycling on the pavements, the bugbear of pedestrians, is different. Thats just naughty!

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Etape 2009: Route Announced

And its back to the alps for Mont Ventoux. Click through for:

Official site and altitude map
Approximate Route

At 3,715 metres of climbing I think its a little less than last year - but with a hell of a climb at the end.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Have you got an Etape 2008 Account?

Did you ride this year's etape? My account is below. If you've got a blog of it, I'll add it to the list on the right. Or email the account at henry@happy.co.uk & I will add it here.

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Etape 2008: A Full Account

Etape 2008: Pau-Tourmalet-Hautacom
The etape begins in the starting pens at 6.30 in the morning. Riders go off from 7am in groups of 1,000, according to their allocated number. I was 7070 - so that meant a lot of waiting. Now of course you are timed from when you cross the start line (7.25 for us) but in the etape it isn’t just you seeking a personal best, its you against the broom wagon. The broom wagon starts at 7.45 and, if it catches you, you are out of the race. Last year 3,000 out of 7,000 were eliminated.

Now we’d woken at 4.15, after a night of thunder and lightning. And the hotel, about 50% of whose guests are cyclists, opened breakfast then. We hadn’t managed to persuade them to do Lance Armstrong’s recommended pasta (carbs) and egg (protein) so settled for muesli and 2 boiled eggs.

As we waited in the starting pens, the rain started to come down. We chatted to a Dutch couple, doing it together. This was going to be a very wet ride. Finally we are off and, onto the main road into Pau its quickly up to speed. The advice had ranged from ‘go as fast as you can, to escape the broom wagon’ to ‘take it easy, conserve your energy’. The key in cycling is to avoid ‘bonking’. In cycling terms this is when you run out of energy and ‘hit the wall’. Suddenly it feels like you can hardly move. There is a huge range of entirely contradictory advice on what to eat and what to do to avoid the dreaded bonk.

The Start
We went for a quick start and started looking for the right peloton to join. Tucked in behind a group of riders, it is said to take 40% less energy. But you’ve got to choose one you can keep up with. They form and reform as thousands head down the road South from Pau. No traffic, police are at junctions to stop the cars and wave us by – and the occasional spectator up early to see us go past.

The first 15 miles are at a cracking 21 mph. I’ve carefully analysed the broom wagon times and its maximum target speed is 16.8 mph so we’ve got to keep ahead of that. Turning off the main road we hit a complete jam as cyclists head through the narrow streets of a local village. Its 5 precious minutes lost.

The First Hills
The blogs have described a 50 mile easy flat ride before hitting the mountains. The first ‘non-hill’ is 500-ft or so but we keep a steady 15 mph up it. The second non-hill takes us to 1,500 ft, higher than any hill in southeastern England, with rain now pouring down and drenching us. We’d cleverly taken off our waterproofs just before going up it. This hill is tougher & I lose Diye on the ascent. Coming down we see our first accidents as some skid on the wet roads.

By the end of the descent my average speed is down to 17 mph, too close for comfort. I sense the broom wagon catching up and need to pile on the speed. A fast group overtakes and I decide to go for it. We steam into Lourdes at speeds of up to 25 mph and my average is up to 17.5 mph. After 3 minutes at the packed feed station (I pick up a banana and a red tube of ‘instant energy’) the gap from the broom wagon is down from 20 minutes at the start to 12 minutes now. There is no margin of error for a puncture or the like and I need to speed. (Diye tells me later that he is blissfully unaware of broom wagon times but his time reveals he leaves Lourdes with only 3 minutes to spare.) It would be a terrible irony to do all this training and come all this way and be turfed off even before you reach the mountains.

So its full speed again out of Lourdes. I follow a rider jumping the gap to the next group, and decide to take the lead. That is supposed to be the done thing in pelotons, where the leader changes every 20 seconds, but here I’m not sure he isn’t insulted. I start to find it tough, and remember the advice that even 60 seconds beyond my endurance limit can lead to a total bonk. What is one’s endurance limit? The serious cyclists talk about heart rates, VOX2 limits, lactate thresholds and more. I kind of go with what feels right.

Ascending the Tourmalet
Another serious hill but my sights are set on Le Gripp, 4,000 ft up and 13 km from the top of the mighty Tourmalet. The broom wagon time there is 11.35 and I’m feeling confident. I chat to a guy from Putney who has trained in the Alps. There are increasing spectators, shouting ‘Allez’ and ‘Bravo’ and applauding as we go past and that feels fabulous. That first 2,000 ft of ascent up to Le Gripp feels fine and I’m there for 11.15. I’m 20 minutes ahead and allow myself a loo break. Finally I have enough spare time to withstand a puncture, with two-and-a-half hours allowed for the climb.

From here every kilometer is marked with a sign, including the altitude and the % ascent. The first two are 3% and 2.5%, nice and easy. At 13 km it starts to get serious, with 9.5% and we are down to between 5 and 6 mph. My target from here was 2 hours, but I’m feeling I can beat that. It is said you can see the top from here but it is lost in the mists. I take off my rain jacket and put back on my cycle top, which is soaked through. I somehow reckon the heat of the climb will dry it off?!

I had been told people would shoot past in the early stages and warned not to follow them, because they will burn out. But nobody is speeding here, and there is less chatting. Just quiet determination as we head on up. One rider messes up a gear change, can’t get his feet out of his cleats in time and tumbles over, taking two other cyclists with him. A group of locals are going wild by the roadside, waving French flags and getting especially excited whenever they see a woman rider (maybe one in 20 of those taking part). I’ve never before felt identity with people waving union jacks but here I find myself appreciating the couple of people who have brought them.

At 9km the sign reveals we are over 5,000 ft. I ponder on the fact that we are already higher than any mountain in the British Isles – and we still have over 5 miles to go! We are now in the mist and visibility falls as low as 10 metres at times. Fine on the way up but it could make the descent dangerous. With high trees on all sides, it feels like being in the middle of a rainforest. I get a sudden sense of achievement as I pass cyclist number 176 – almost 7,000 people ahead of me at the start.

It is slow and grinding. My eye on the mileage watches as the decimal points inch up. I know the broom wagon goes up at 4.3 mph so I’m feeling safe as long as I stay above 5. There is a feed stop at the ski resort of La Mangie, 5 km from the top. I refill bottles, ignore the strange tubes of energy, and grab a banana and its on and up.

We did this section as a practice on Friday in the bright sunshine and it really built our confidence. But now its after 70 miles and its tougher. There is something very frustrating about knowing you are only 2 miles from the top but it will take you half an hour to get there. I keep myself going with the promise I will phone home at the summit and tell them I’ve got there. I visualize that glorious moment. The sole spectator applauding wildly in the middle of the ski resort is much appreciated.

I ponder on why none of us can go faster. I don’t think I’m at my heart limit, I’ve gone up steeper hills. But its all in the mind and somehow my brain can’t tell my legs to go faster. I burst round a corner on my feet and overtake about 20 people but can’t keep it up. We edge closer. Spectators shout “cinq cent metres”, “tres cent metres”. It has taken the full two hours.

The Top of the Tourmalet
Finally I burst to the top, get off the bike, put my head down on a counter and sob my heart out. There is a statue of a cyclist at the top, in triumphant agony. I understand the feeling.

I’ve done it. I’ve got there. I ring home and speak to Rebecca, my daughter. She can tell I’ve been crying and calls me a freak. It feels like its about a lot more than getting up a mountain. Then my wife Dawn rings and I tell her the big news.
This isn't the end. There is a 6,000 ft descent and then the 5,000 ft Hautacom. But the time pressure is off and I spend probably 15 minutes at the top. Even after this I’m still 35 minutes ahead of the
wagon – its downhill and then over 2 hours for Hautacom. Its then not about the broom wagon, its you versus the mountain.

But I can’t think straight. I try to calculate if I have any chance of a medal. You get a Silver for under 7 hours 5 minutes but my brain simply can’t calculate what time this would be given a 7.25 am start. I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion or the altitude. Eventually I calculate on my fingers and realize I’d have to do it in 90 minutes, and I know the descent will take an hour so now way. My original target was the time it would take me to get a Silver if I was female – 8 hours, 30 minutes – but all I want to do now is finish.

I take newspaper from the stall at the top. I’d heard about this. If you are not careful going down, the sweat from the ascent will freeze on your chest, leading to pneumonia. So you stuff the newspaper up your shirt to absorb it. Diye missed the newspaper and tells me he saw frost forming on him. He had to stop 5 times on the descent.

The Descent
I hear later it was 7 degrees at the top and going down the wind-chill takes it to near freezing. I’m told if the wind had been NE, there would have been snow, though I don’t understand the complex meteorological explanation. I head down carefully at first, brakes on. My fingers do still work. (I had read the blog of somebody who gave up on the descent because his fingers were too frozen to pull the brake levers.) More prepared riders have brought full length gloves to put on here.

I am doing just 15 mph and lots of people are passing me. I am frozen. I am fantasizing about stopping for a hot chocolate when we hit the tourist towns. It is such an attractive idea but I’m worried I’ve calculated wrong – it will be terrible to be caught by the wagon as I sip hot chocolate in a café!.

Eventually my confidence builds up and I start to speed up and overtake. The difficult bits are well marked with huge Danger signs. We come below the clouds and I’m really speeding, without peddling, hitting 39 mph at one point on a long straight.

We rush through a couple of tourist villages and into a glorious valley, the ‘Gorge de Luz’ (gorge of light?). No traffic, a road winding down through an incredible gorge and a beautiful clear, transparent river rushing through rocks. It is beautiful and peaceful, possibly the highlight of the ride. It is warmer now but my legs feel like they are still frozen. I realize I must get them working for the final assault. I look out for somebody, not too fast, I can get in behind and start them rotating. Gradually they come back to life.

Onto the Hautacom
I get to the cut off point and am on the Hautacom. It is 2.30, I am 30 minutes ahead of the broom wagon and I now have almost 3 hours for the climb. It is me and the mountain. I am exhausted and promise myself a rest every 2 miles. The crowds are big here and one or two shout out ‘superb colours’ at me in my bright multicoloured lycra.

There are many legends about the Hautacom. All say the last 3 km are easier and there are amazing views from there. But there won’t be any views from there for us and the fact it is shrouded in mist maybe makes it easier. As you get high, you can only ever see two bends ahead. In the lower reaches there are stunning views of the valley below.

There is only one way to the Hautacom, so the road is divided in two and the successful riders are coming down. This is heartening in one way, showing it is possible. But the better performance is daunting, exaggerated by the way they speed down while we are all creeping upwards.

We are 11 km out but a spectator shouts ‘seit kilometre’. Dimly in my head I try and work out if this is really 7 kilometre. But the man is wrong and from 10 km appear the 1 km signs. These are agonizingly far apart, I hope always that I had missed one and suddenly we will be an extra km nearer – everybody I speak to afterwards say they had the same hope. My eyes focus as I see the sign, hoping it is 6% and not another 8%. But it is always 8%!

Half the riders seem to be walking up now, just determined to get there. Most of these have ‘compact’ gears, just two rings at the front. I made sure I had a ‘triple’. For the technical I have 30 teeth on the front and 32 on the back, making a better than one-to-one ratio.

Cycle shops scoffed at me when I asked for that. They tried to persuade me I wouldn’t need it but I’d practiced up the university hill in Bath. After 3 ascents of the one mile hill (500 ft rise) on my mountain bike I knew my one reassurance would be to be able to go to my ‘granny’ gears. Those cycle shops assistants had not done the etape and I was grateful for my determination now.

Why do Cyclists Buy Compacts?
I don’t understand cyclists. They spend £3,000 on the latest carbon fibre technology to make it a few pounds lighter & able to go faster. (They are obsessed about weight. We met Jean Paul on the train from Paris, he had got a Gold last year and come 200th. He looked at my bike and said “That bell. It is 2 or 3 ounces. It must come off.” It did. ) But then they choose a compact gearing that makes it 50% harder (compared to me) to cycle up hill and have to walk!
A police motorcyclist comes by and shouts something in French. I fear I have miscalculated and this is the broom wagon approaching. I ask another rider, who translates: “He was saying ‘You will go faster if you ride your bike’.” I laugh. I may take breaks but I will have ridden every inch of this route. Again I watch the mileage as it inches towards the point I have promised myself my next rest.

I bump into Andy, who I met in a café yesterday. This was his 4th etape and so far he has been in the broom wagon 3 times! But he was here on the Hautacom ascent and he is going to make it. I hand him one of my Clif Block jelly blobs (90% organic and no gelatine). A Welshman stops and says “Are those jelly babies. Oh please can I have one?” I give him a packet and he is overwhelmed. The truth is I have jelly blocks and power bars and electrolyte drink that I can’t imagine eating without throwing up.

I am dropping down near 3mph now. I am only just overtaking the walkers. Should I take the red pill, I ask myself? I mean the red tube of ‘instant energy’ I picked up in Lourdes. At 4km I search for it but can’t find it. But I do have a green tube from somewhere. I open the cap and sip the sickly sweet liquid. It makes me want to vomit. But shortly after I put on a sudden burst of speed and overtake several people. Maybe the green/red pill has worked.

My mind is working this time and I spot that the 4 km sign says 8% again and makes clear we are still 320 metres altitude from the top. That means 80 metres per km or 8% each time. There is no easy last 3km! On and on round bend after bend.

The Final Ascent
At 2km I rest by a stall selling chocolate crepes and hot chocolate. What a wonderful thought. I promise myself a stop there and a chocolate and crepe on the way down. I glimpse a big white inflatable over the road. Can it be the finish? No, it is the 1 km mark.

How can 1 km take so long? Finally the end is in sight and I get on my feet & burst the last 100 metres. The timer says 9 hours 30 minutes from the start, but I know my time will be 25 minutes shorter for starting late. (It is 9 hours 6 minutes.) I am handed water and my medal.

I have done it! I ring home and tell Dawn, and say that I see no reason to ever want to do it again. The first 64 miles were great fun but those climbs were agony and did my head in. I sob again and then join the men relieving themselves over the edge of the mountain (no, its not a big drop). The road has often been lined with men relieving themselves against hedges. I’m not sure what the women cyclists do.

I try and contact Diye but there is no response. (He sent a text at 12.52 to say he was at the Hautacom summit. That would be 13 minutes head of the wagon and I am worried – I know he is a very cautious descender.)

Hautacom is strange. There is no village and no apparent reason for a road, except for the huge car park that marks the top. Presumably it only exists for the Tour de France.

And Down
No newspapers here – Instead they cut holes out of plastic bags and put them over you. I join the queue to head down. I get to 1 km down and there is Diye – followed by 3 gendarme cars, one with a huge clock on top currently at 10:09:52. I suddenly realize this is the broom wagon and he has to get to the top by 10:20:00 or be eliminated. I shout to him that he can still do it but he looks totally exhausted. The car hoots and he turns round (saying later he was wondering ‘who the hell is hooting me up here?’). The man leans out and points to the clock.

I stop for my hot chocolate and it tastes wonderful. But they are closing up and have run out of crepes. I carry on. You can’t speed down this mountain, the endless bends and turns. It is brakes on all the way. As the valley emerges beneath the clouds, I am astonished. Did we really climb up this height. It seems beyond belief.

I head down to the cycling village, where a meal is promised. I find a barbecue with lamb sausages, but they are not for us You need a yellow ticket. I don’t know which lucky folk have yellow tickets.. Instead it is tabouleh & I eat my ‘Recovery Bar’. The results are already up. I find myself: number 5564. That means - given I was 7070 and started about half way down the 7,000s – that I overtook 2,000 people.

I look at the end. There is Diye’s name, at 10:16:00 (or 9:46 actual time) – he made it! I text him to congratulate. He texts back to say he is coming down. He texts again: “In an Ambulance”. He didn’t get the plastic bag at the top and was too frozen to come down, an ambulance picked him up – and his bike followed later. He has been completely unaware of broom wagon times but has been a couple of minutes ahead of it throughout. He understood only when he saw the clock and put on a sudden burst for those last 500 metres. He is fine when he emerges from the ambulance.

We did it! ‘Team Happy’ (as we call ourselves) made it. There are 6,168 finishers, which means almost 2,500 gave up or were eliminated by the broom wagon. We hear of one pour soul who was stopped at Lourdes. I can imagine the panic among the hundreds of riders at the Lourdes feed station as they suddenly see the broom wagon approach and try to escape….

And there is still 10 miles to go, as we need to cycle back to the hotel. We are told of a cycle path along an old railway and we join two young Australians on a glorious ride along the river into Lourdes. Stuart shares his favourite line from Lance Armstrong:

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

It is said riders like Armstrong would go up the Tourmalet in times around 40 minutes. That is just over 15 mph and is an incredible thought. It must take not just incredible fitness but an amazing level of mental determination. (It reminds me of one of his other great sayings: “It is not the fittest cyclist who wins, but the one who can endure the most pain.”)

But we are done. We have battled the elements and the mountains and our own demons and triumphed. And that feels good. For the next day, and all the way back to London, we exchange stories with other riders – virtually all proudly wearing the Etape t-shirt. We swap times but all agree the achievement is simply to have finished, especially with the weather conditions. Diye is told the last two finishers were given champagne and interviewed on TV and suddenly regrets his late burst past them!

Times
Cycling time: 8 hours, 17 minutes
Elapsed time: 9 hours, 6 minutes
Allowed time: 9 hours, 45 minutes
Average speed: 12.4 mph




The Bike
I was on a Giant SCR2. It cost me around £525, probably one of the cheapest in the etape. Most seem to spend between £1,000 and £3,000 with carbon fibre frames and the like.

But if you are a newcomer my advice is simple: save your money but make sure you get a triple with a ratio as close to 1:1 as possible. Ignore pressure tot he country and anybody who tells you it isn't possible. It is, I got it.

Nutrition
There seem to be more different approaches to what to eat than there are cyclists. I went for lots of pasta on nights before, a filling breakfast but then probably ate too little. I felt (a) that indigestion was stopping me going faster and (b) I'd vomit if I ate more. But it was probably lack of calories that was holding me back.

I ate: 1 banana, 3 packs of Clif blobs, one small power bar, half an energy gel. And I think that was it. Plus 2 litres of water, half litre of chocolate flavoured SIS drink. Definitely too little. (I had been planning to eat lots of bananas but some guy warned me of potassium poisoning. On Monday I met somebody who did it on 9 bananas, 7 gels and 6 power bars....)




Preparation
Its all about getting the miles in. Jean Paul, the guy we met on the train (who came 96th in 6 hours 14 minutes) had done 7,000 km since the beginning of the year. Diye had done 3,000 km, which Jean Paul said wasn't enough and I calculated 5,000, which he thought would get me there.




So work up to 200 miles a week, with some sportives. I did four: 67 miles, 95 miles, 115 miles and 105 miles. The White Rose Classic (115 miles) is good preparation - 4 weeks before and as much ascent as the etape - though not all in two climbs.